HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
