I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
