you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
