do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
