the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
