god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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