you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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