No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
