I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
