You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
