I'm jealous of your bromance
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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