He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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