I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
