did i walk over a car last night?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
