I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
