How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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