I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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