I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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