Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This girl is more easily done than said...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
