I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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