never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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