hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
