im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
