If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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