giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
