I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
