The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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