theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
