Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
