I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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