I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Redeem this text for a blowjob
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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