Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
