Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
