So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
