Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
