Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
