3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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