never play flip cup with pint glasses
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
