I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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