I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
