Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
