I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So much rum. So many feels.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
