Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
