she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
