my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
