I want to have your abortion
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
