Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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