Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
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