Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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