so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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