he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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