what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
