Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
