Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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