The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
