dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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