Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
