I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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