ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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