He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
