Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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